Mr. Can I Come to Your House?

Seeing how I am still currently seeking that special person to live to the end with, I went out on the prowl with a bunch of women to a bar. We drank, we danced (with a man in a wheel chair), I yelled at the attractive owner of the bar, a Garth Brooks impersonator was there, and some man I had never met came home with me....I know I make terrible decisions.

It all started when I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go see a Garth Brooks tribute band Saturday night, and attempt to get ourselves laid (this was a partial joke on my side) and she hesitantly agreed. So we decided to go to a big ol country bar with a bunch of my girl's other girlfriends. Please keep in mind that these ladies are all in their 40's through out the story, I think it adds a little something extra.

We started Pre-drinking an hour before we were set to arrive at the big ol country bar. My girlfriend said to me "Elaina, if you don't get laid tonight, it's your fault, because you look smokin!" I was testing out my brand new cowgirl boots that night, with a cute dress, I was set for dancing, not really in the sheets, but dancing on a dance floor for sure! I think we each slammed 3 drinks, and drove to the bar before they hit us. When we arrived I was a little disappointed at the turn out, but we were arriving rather early, since my new found friends all wanted to get prime parking spots. They swore to me that if we didn't get there by 8:30, we would have to walk from BFE.

Once we arrived and got our nifty wristbands to meet the band....we hit the bathroom like giddy schoolgirls anxious for what the night would hold. I quickly read a sign in the bathroom stall that said they had a bottomless cup special every Saturday night. I was stoked, because I thought it was going to be an expensive night. Upon exiting the bathroom, I B-lined to the bar, where I suspected I would saddle up for a while, until more potentials arrived. I asked the bartender for the bottomless cup special, and was severely disappointed when I was told they didn't offer the special on concert nights...I ran over to the closest poster to take a magnified look. NOwhere on the poster did it say that they offered this special every Saturday, except on concert nights....I took this ammo over to the bartender, and he said he could get the manager for me. I was just enough tipsy that I said "Sure, where is he? I'd love to talk to them!" The bartender pointed me in the direction of a white haired man sitting on the other side of the bar. Of course I walked my little ass over, and shook the man's hand asking for his name.

I semi jokingly told the man my story, asking him why the posters didn't have the Exception line somewhere in the fine print. He replied that he didn't know why, that they were new posters and that even the old posters didn't mention this clause, and that I wasn't the first to complain about them. Ha. This fired me up more. He said "What can I do to make you happy?" I told him that "I'd love you to just give me the special." He sat there looking at me for too long, and I finally added to my last sentence "Robb who do we need to talk to, to make this happen?" He told me I'd have to talk with the owner. To which I replied something like "Great, let's get the owner."

Please keep in mind that my new found friends are all standing around while this is going on, not hovering really, but closely watching the entire situation unfold before their eyes, probably stunned at my gumption.

Robb comes back with the owner. Let me tell you...This was a HANDSOME man. Built well, great looks, and an awesome smile. I may have lost my stance a little, I'm not going to lie. It's like my brain went the opposite direction from semi frustrated, to full on flirt mode. I shook the man's hand, and he asked me to tell my side of the story all over again. Once I got through my complaint, he said "You know what, let me buy you and all of your friends a round of drinks." I tried saying no thank you, after all I didn't want a free round of drinks for all of my friends, I wanted the damned special for myself, so I said to him "I don't want you to buy me a drink, that wasn't my point, (and in my tipsy state I said the following from out of nowhere) if anything I will buy YOU a drink!" The owner smiled at me and thought for a minute before he said "HAha maybe after work." With that he told the bartender to make all of our drinks, and walked away (Sadly I never laid eyes on the man the rest of the night). I refused my free drink and tipped the poor bartender ten bucks for his trouble.

Looking back on it, how did that happen? I ended up paying for a bottomless cup that they wouldn't give me, and all my friends got free drinks...I suck at complaining. Anyway from that first half of the story I may sound like a complete raging psycho, but stay with me.

After getting our drinks, and setting up camp near the dance floor, it was time to meet the band. I don't know why, but I had NO desire to look like a groupie, or VIP person. I think a couple of the ladies in our group went to the meet and greet, but I never heard anything about it. Next thing I know a man who is borderline little person height is onstage singing Garth Brooks tunes. I will admit this man DID look a little like Mr. Brooks, and he definitely sounded like him a lot. He was also wearing one of those classic color-block button ups, that looked like it came straight out of Mr. Brooks' closet.

We were all jammin out to tunes from the nineties, and having a grand ol time. I went to sit down back at camp, and found that a couple of young guys (maybe 21) in wheel chairs had set up their own camp next to ours. I smiled at them as I took my seat and checked my phone. I kept seeing them look back at me, and then re-arrange their chairs. They were worried they were blocking my view of the performer, which is funny because even though he was on a stage....he was short. I told the young guys that they were fine right where they were, not to worry about it.

Later on in the night, my girlfriend was ready to play matchmaker with one of her daughter's friends. She told this friend to take me for a spin on the dance floor. The man was sweet. He could dance, and we two-stepped around the floor for a while. He tried to buy me a drink, which I also refused...I don't know what it is about letting men buy me drinks. I need a lesson in accepting drinks. Anyway we went outside and talked for a while, and he seemed pretty easy to talk to. When we came back in, I met up with the girls on the dance floor, and we continued dancing just us girls for a little while.

At some point I noticed our wheel chair guys, had joined us on the dance floor, and they were hanging out really close to us, so our circles combined. Before I knew it one of the guys took my hand and asked me to dance. Honestly, how do you dance with a man in a wheel chair? I accepted his dance request, and her sort of held hands swaying back and forth. When the song ended, he wasn't letting go of my hand, and we stood there. Then he pulled on my hand so that I would lean in closer. He said "This is one of my favorite slow songs, would you dance with me again?" I said sure, and we started swaying softly. He then said to me "Would you just sit on my lap, and I will do all the work?" Seriously if any other man used this line, I'd probably slap him. Instead I politely saddled up side saddle style and he maneuvered us in a small circular motion around our friends. In my mind I have to say, I was a little uncomfortable. The song ended, and I climbed off and thanked him for the dances, at which point the man who had danced me around earlier took my other hand and sort of sashayed me away.

The night was winding down, and before we knew it, it was last call. I was still a bit tipsy from my vodka drinking, two-stepping, and circular wheel chair dancing. All the girls gathered our things, and started heading out to the parking lot. If anyone had to park a mile away that night to get to the bar, they all were gone at this point, and the parking lot was only lightly peppered with cars. The man my friend had introduced me to, walked me to my car, where we lingered for a few moments. My girlfriend called out to me from her car "Are you alright?" I replied with a "Sure, I'll be fine!" and away she went. The man was standing rather close to me, and asked me if he was coming back to my house or driving home to Fulton.... I was honestly not very interested in this man, but I really didn't want him to drive all the way to Fulton, having drank as much as he had. We talked it out, and I confirmed that if I didn't let him come to my house, he would have no alternative, than to drive to Fulton.

I felt bad and caved. He got in my car, and I warned him, as I warn all passengers, that I am an unlucky driver. We made it home, and made a couple more cocktails. We sat on the porch talking, and he asked me if I was ready to go to bed....I said.....(cricket cricket cricket) we can go to bed, you can sleep in my bed, but I am NOT having sex with you. He looked at me with a disappointed face, and after a moment I asked "Should I have told you that when you asked to come back to my house?" He said yeah I probably should have... Jeeze. I just didn't want the man to drive so far. I apologized to the man, and we went in to bed. He started making out with me. He was REALLY trying, to the point of being insistent, and then a bit forceful. Not dangerously forceful, but uncomfortably so. I told him AGAIN that it wasn't going to happen and I rolled over to sleep.

It didn't take long, and I was awakened by him rubbing himself on me, kissing my shoulder. I sat straight up and said "Dude it's not happening!" He said "OK ok that's fine." That was around 5 am. I got up got some water, and sat on the couch for a while hoping he would fall asleep before I tried laying down again. I went back to bed and woke up at like 8am. I didn't get any sleep. How would you handle a situation like that the next morning? I woke up, he was awake, and I sat up in bed. I am NOT kidding, he tried pulling my body back down to mess around. I said, "Dude give it a rest, are you hungry? I'm going to make breakfast." Without a response I got out of bed and went to the kitchen. I made him, and my roomskie breakfast. Then I asked him if he was ready for me to take him to his car. He said sure, and we made the trek.

When we got to his car, he asked me if I was going to take his number. I literally laughed out loud to his face, and said "Sure, I will take your number." After he leaned in to kiss me (I gave him cheek) we parted ways.

Later that day, I got a Facebook request from this man, which I ignored. Then I got a Facebook message from him, asking me if I had his wallet. Turns out he left his wallet (with $250 in cash) on my couch. We had to arrange for him to come and pick it up the next day.

All in all it was a completely terrible experience. I learned several lessons, as you all should have as well.

Gentleman Lesson #41
If a woman tells you she is not having sex with you, don't assume that she doesn't mean it. If she has told you she's not having sex with you, and you proceed to try to put the moves on her anyway, and she turns you down...Don't try two more additional times. I mean I give you props for not giving up....but seriously you should just give up.

Lady Lesson #41
If a man asks you if he is coming back to your house, do yourself a favor and clarify right then and there if you are or are not going to be having sex with him. It's sad to think that after all of this dating I could have been so naive to assume a guy would be ok with not having sex in that scenario. (I'm still hoping for the best in a man)

If the special on the poster isn't actually being offered at a bar, probably should save yourself from looking like a bitch to the hot owner, and just give it a rest.

Lastly, If a man in a wheelchair asks you to dance, just do it. I stand by my own rule still today, that I will NEVER say no to an invitation to dance. If a man has the nerve to ask you to dance, you should have the nerve to accept. A dance is harmless.