It all started one night when I was working at the Elks lodge (my favorite home away from home), minding my own business. I would not really expect a good looking bachelor to waltz into the Elks Lodge...until he did. I served the man rum all night, and thought to myself that he was a very attractive man, and he definitely wasn't wearing a ring. He began lingering at the bar and talking to me. I recall him complementing me, and continually asking if I would give him my number. I resisted doing this, for as long as a lady really should. I found him attractive, he obviously found me attractive, so what was the harm in giving him my number? He was probably going to lose it anyway. So I gave him my number, and he said that he would take me out to dinner a couple of days from then.
The days went by, and I didn't hear anything from him. Days turned into a week and a half. Finally he text me, and I pretended not to have the faintest idea who he was. That weekend he came in to town (He lives near St. Louis) and took me out.
I remember being more nervous for this date than I had been on dates in a while. He was taking me to one of the nicest restaurants in town, which I had never been to. I had only met the guy once, but I was excited at the prospect. He showed up and was just as I had remembered him, adorably handsome. We went to dinner that night in his Hummer truck thing. I'm not going to lie, it was pretty impressive, and he casually mentioned that he usually drove his other car... We went to dinner and hit it off right away. There wasn't a moment that felt forced, and we could easily talk to each other. Over dinner he informed me that he was recently divorced, and that he had a daughter. The fact that he was recently divorced made me a little nervous, I will admit. I don't ever want to be somebody's rebound, but we seemed to have really great chemistry, so I was willing to let my nervous feeling go, and just see where things went. This was a man for me. He was successful with work, and had plenty of ambition, for the future. He was great to look at, funny, and could carry a conversation.
From dinner we went bowling, and from bowling we went to a bar close to my home. We were having a great time, and I should probably mention that we were also partaking in alcohol, who could have guessed that one? Soon it was time to go home. Since I was really liking this guy, and I didn't know about his sleeping arrangements, (since he was from out of town) somewhere along the way I invited him to stay the night. I wasn't going to have sex with this man, after all, I had just met him. I WAS going to have a little bit of fun with him! Things moved right along, and I could tell he was disappointed that I wouldn't have sex with him, but maybe (i'd like to think) pleasantly surprised by it too.
We went to lunch the next day before he had to leave, and we made plans to see each other again, the next time he was in town. I saw this man a few additional times, sharing a bed with him each time, but I was holding on to that sex card pretty tightly. We talked about holiday plans. Christmas was approaching, and Mr. Made Me a Mistress was looking at spending Christmas alone. I couldn't let that happen, AND my family doesn't really have much going on for holidays. So we made plans to meet at his condo at the lake for Christmas. It sounded quite picturesque in my mind, and it really was. We spent all night and the next day lounging and just relaxing, getting to know each other MUCH better than we already had. He was a wonderful Christmas present to me, if you know what I mean (which I'm sure you do!).
From there out, we made plans for him to visit me, and me to visit him, and then one day he suggested I meet his daughter. To me this is a big sign. In my mind it meant he was really liking me, and we had some potential for long term. In hindsight I think maybe he just wanted to introduce me, because he knew that it was inevitable, the way we had been spending time with each other, that I would eventually meet his daughter. I went to spend the weekend with said man, and had the lovely opportunity to meet his fun, very smart, beautiful daughter. That night when she was in bed, Mr. Made Me a Mistress and I were sitting in the kitchen, listening to music, and having a great honest conversation. We were confessing intimate things to one another, and I felt so close to the man. I'm pretty sure it was this night at his kitchen table that he told me his divorce was not actually final yet. I told him that I didn't want to be a rebound, and that I was really nervous about him jumping from such a relationship, into whatever it was that we were doing. He told me that he was a relationship type of guy, and that was all he knew. One of my favorite songs came on, and I made him dance with me right there, in the kitchen.
We spent New Year's Eve together at his house, with his daughter, and he said to me, "If you will spend this New Year's Eve at my house, not doing anything, I will take you to New York for the ball drop next year." Um what girl would say no to that? Clearly things were moving right along. He was giving me all the signs that he was interested, and I was blissfully happy with where we were.
Things continued for weeks. This is such an embarrassing thing to admit, but on one occasion, I actually showed up at his house in a trench coat and heels....I'm sure you can imagine what my outfit underneath was. *I would not recommend women doing this, especially not in the middle of a Midwest winter. I will also note that Mr. Made me a Mistress was the first person to really help me find comfort in my nakedness. I don't know how, but I have to credit him for that!
I would visit him, he would visit me. I spent more and more time with his daughter, going to her soccer game, cooking dinner with her, getting to know who she was. I was thoroughly invested. I found myself laughing with girlfriends about TECHNICALLY being a mistress for the first time ever in my life.
Then one fateful night I received the text. That's right, the text. Someone had referred to me as his girlfriend, and he was scared. Now please note that I had never called him my b/f, but because of something someone else said, something I had NO control over, he now wanted to slow things down. He mentioned not wanting to get into a relationship right after the divorce. I went white in the face, and didn't know at first how to respond. I'm pretty sure I suggested that this conversation take place via a phone call, or (hello!) in person. He said we could do that, but it never happened. One text after another, I could tell that he was out, as simple as that. Something someone else said to him, scared the man, and he wanted nothing more. I was angry. Very angry. I remember asking him if he had been using me all of this time for a sex toy, and not getting a reply. He said in one text that we could still talk if I wanted, and date once in a while. He said that I would never know how much good I did for him. That sounds like a sweet thing to say to someone, but really it just made me more angry that things were ending. I tried giving him some space. I tried only texting him once in a while over the next couple of weeks, and he would give me a short reply. The last time I reached out to him, was to wish him a wonderful birthday...he never responded. The twist of the knife was that very day when I went to his Facebook page, out of that curiosity we all have, and I got a message that said that if I wanted to see more of this person's page, to send them a friendship request...He had already de-friended me on Facebook?! I also, a month prior to this, had ordered a personalized gift for the man for his birthday...Now what's a girl supposed to do with a watch box with three not so random initials engraved on the top?
I had a really great cry. Watched my favorite tear jerker movies, and cried again. I have not, and sadly don't ever expect to hear from Mr. Made Me a Mistress again.
Lady Rule #32
While the idea of becoming a mistress sounds sexy, different, and wild, it really can be heartbreaking and not worth the "Fun". Once again, I allowed myself to really start falling for someone. I allowed my heart to lead instead of my head. Perhaps I should have gone with my gut, when it made me nervous he was getting out of a long very serious relationship. At any rate, I have learned yet another lesson in lust, and I am still wandering on, in search of my Mr. Made Me a Wife. Oh and never buy a personalized gift for a man unless you are in a committed relationship...
Gentleman Rule #32
Don't introduce your children to a mistress. Don't use women for sex toys, unless it is agreed upon by both parties in the beginning. Don't USE a woman to get better and to find your own personal happiness. Also probably shouldn't make promises you don't intend to keep...Ex: New Years Eve in New York next year. Seriously, guys do this all the time, they say things to women about the future, and that sends the women the message, that they are invested in said future....When really, time and time again, they are not.
**As much as I rant about not having found my life partner yet, I am a VERY happy, and fulfilled person, at least I think I am happier than a lot of people I know. I can be happy alone, I would just rather enjoy life with a best friend.
Stay tuned for next time. I am now forced into Online dating, and/or Celibacy.
