Ladies I want you to pay close attention to this story. I met a man at one of my favorite places, a little ritual that I like to call Karaoke Tuesday. I was there with a couple (shoot me in the face for being single, and at a karaoke bar with a couple), dressed in boots, jeans, and a not so special shirt. pretty casual. Anyway, I sang a song, and was sitting at the table with said couple, when I noticed a very cute man from across the room looking at what appeared to be ME! I of course did the whole flirty routine, which consists of: looking at the man, catching his attention, holding his gaze for several seconds and then suddenly becoming very interested in the conversation at your own table, and then looking away from the man. I did this little thing a couple of times, when he finally had the balls to come over and talk to me. A bright light just shined down on that man, and angels sang aaaaaaaaa.
*Most men don't have it in them to approach a woman, maybe it is because they have been turned down one too many times, I don't know, but usually the ones who DO come over and talk to you, are mumbling idiots and not worth talking to.
This man however, had it in him, and was perfectly charming. He asked me just enough questions about what I was interested in, what I did for fun, and for a living. I didn't mention that he was gorgeous, he was tall, with chestnut hair, and I would soon learn that he was pretty chiseled too. This man turned out to be quite a brain as well. He was soon graduating from MU with an engineering degree! When he told me this, he refered to himself as an Enginerd, let me tell you, he was anything but a nerd. Of course I went home with him. I had never gone home to a stranger's house from the bar, but I thought that it was about time I started trying new things. I was 23 for goodness sake. So we left the bar after it closed, and went back to his place. I am a lady, and I DONT have sex on the first date (At this point in my life anyway). So he tried his damnedest, to get me naked, he got naked pretty quickly, and snuggled right up next to me. It was probably the hardest thing I have ever done, not jumping his bones, but I was far too interested in the idea of a long haul relationship.
So the next day, we exchanged numbers, and he called me a couple of times. He invited me to his place, I invited him to mine, but I would never let him sex me, no matter what he tried. I should have known that all he wanted was to sex me, but I was too busy holding on for more. I shot him down each time, knowing full well that the woman is ALWAYS in control of these things. He just wasn't trying the right thing. One day, he decided to not call, or respond to me, poof he was gone, and this is what I have learned!
Lady Rule #3
If he doesn't ask you out on a REAL date, in public, then he probably only wants sex. You should either take advantage of this fine opportunity, or move on. Don't get in the way of him getting it someplace else, if you don't want to give it.
Man Rule #3
If you are an intelligent good looking man, looking for sex, you could probably get this by just telling us up front at the bar that, that is all you want.
* I would have sexed this Enginerd, but I was too interested in hoping that he would want more than that from me.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Baby Mama Drama
I have to say that this is not one of my proudest stories, but I do feel like it must be told. I feel compelled to tell you about a cage fighter I met at a casino. I instantly found him attractive from across the room. So we made eye contact, and eventually he came over to meet me. He seemed relatively normal, and I really just wanted to make out with him. It had been a while since I had had ANY male contact. The last time was sadly that weatherman from Illinois who jammed his tongue down my throat.
This cage fighter mentioned that he didn't have a phone at the present time, this should have been a red flag right away. However, I let my attraction take over my good senses. He took my number and said that he would call me sometime. Well the next day he called me from someone else's phone, and we talked about meeting. He told me that he would call me again another time. Well this happened a couple of times, and finally we arranged a meeting. We met at a bar, we talked, and I had to be somewhere so I left, unfortunately with nothing to show for it.
Later in the week, he called and I missed it. He had left me a message telling me to call him back when I could. Well it wasn't until the next day that I could return the call. When I finally DID call him back, a woman answered the phone. I told her who I was calling for, and she asked who I was. I told her, and she FREAKED out. She started screaming at me and I couldn't even make out half of what she was saying. I hung up on her, and of course this crazy woman started calling my number over and over and over again. Turns out she was his baby mama!!! This idiot of a man had called me from his baby mama's phone! That's not the worst of it, cage fighter called me and tried to reprimand me for calling that number! I couldn't believe he was trying to blame whatever trouble I had gotten him into, on me. Needless to say, that was the end of that. This is what I learned....
Man Rule #2
These days the only time it is ok not to have a phone of your own, is as a toddler, and the only reason for that, is because you wouldn't know which end of the phone was good to chew on.
AND furthermore, if you are going to try to hide a baby mama, you shouldn't use her phone to make calls to some girl you want to get with!
Lady Rule #2
Women: If some man in his twenties doesn't have a phone of his own, just don't go there, it isn't worth it. In my own case, I didn't even get to make out with the studly cage fighter!
This cage fighter mentioned that he didn't have a phone at the present time, this should have been a red flag right away. However, I let my attraction take over my good senses. He took my number and said that he would call me sometime. Well the next day he called me from someone else's phone, and we talked about meeting. He told me that he would call me again another time. Well this happened a couple of times, and finally we arranged a meeting. We met at a bar, we talked, and I had to be somewhere so I left, unfortunately with nothing to show for it.
Later in the week, he called and I missed it. He had left me a message telling me to call him back when I could. Well it wasn't until the next day that I could return the call. When I finally DID call him back, a woman answered the phone. I told her who I was calling for, and she asked who I was. I told her, and she FREAKED out. She started screaming at me and I couldn't even make out half of what she was saying. I hung up on her, and of course this crazy woman started calling my number over and over and over again. Turns out she was his baby mama!!! This idiot of a man had called me from his baby mama's phone! That's not the worst of it, cage fighter called me and tried to reprimand me for calling that number! I couldn't believe he was trying to blame whatever trouble I had gotten him into, on me. Needless to say, that was the end of that. This is what I learned....
Man Rule #2
These days the only time it is ok not to have a phone of your own, is as a toddler, and the only reason for that, is because you wouldn't know which end of the phone was good to chew on.
AND furthermore, if you are going to try to hide a baby mama, you shouldn't use her phone to make calls to some girl you want to get with!
Lady Rule #2
Women: If some man in his twenties doesn't have a phone of his own, just don't go there, it isn't worth it. In my own case, I didn't even get to make out with the studly cage fighter!
Golden Confidence
Once upon a time, I was in a happy committed relationship, with a man who moved to Columbia to be with me. I had met this jackass in my hometown, where we both worked together. When I moved to Columbia for school several years ago, it didn't take long before he realized that he couldn't live without me. He moved here, and we both transferred to another restaurant, and continued working together. We were happy for what was one of the best year's of my life, and then one day out of nowhere, with no explanation, he dumped me. I was miserable with nowhere to go. A couple of months later Jackass began dating another girl we worked with! The craziest part is that this new girl looked a hell of a lot like me. What's a girl to do when she gets dumped by the love of her young life, and has been replaced by a look alike?
The first thing I decided to do was color my brown hair blonde! I had always wondered if I could pull of the golden locks, and now was the perfect time to try it out. It took a while to get used to, a girl has to have a lot of confidence to go from brown to blonde, and that is not something I had a lot of at the time!
This brings me to my first male encounter post traumatic breakup! A friend of mine was set to be a bridesmaid in an intimate mini vineyard wedding. She didn't have a date, and she knew I was borderline depressed. Being the good friend she is, she invited me to come along. After she mentioned the open bar, and the potential for meeting single men, I reluctantly agreed. I drove to the wedding with a male friend of ours who was also invited, and dateless. I was nervous, but looking hot. This friend of ours sat with me during the ceremony, leading all the attending single men to believe that I was his date. Too clear this all up, and ensure my good time, my bridesmaid friend mentioned to a couple of the men that I was completely single and ready to have a great time. At this point I had already had a few glasses of wine, and I was well on my way to having a swell time alone, when suddenly I got the urge to sing karaoke!
Now I am a freak and happen to enjoy karaoke very much, so when I found out that the DJ could do karaoke, I hopped at the chance. Keep in mind I had never met the bride or groom, and in fact I only knew two people there. When I walked over to the DJ, I was trying to pick out a song, and out of nowhere this man came up and wanted to sing as well. The DJ suggested a duet, and picked one out for us. I decided that in order to do this right, I needed to dedicate this special serenade to the happy couple, that I had never met. Don't ask me why, but I made a short speech to the couple, and soon enough I've Had the Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing was playing and I was singing with a man who had never heard the song before. Naturally I knew every word because I am a girl and have seen the movie a trillion times. So I sang most of the song alone, until some other drunk girl decided to come up and help us.
After that melodious tribute, the man singing with me grabbed my hand and twirled me to the dance floor. I was a little uneasy, and tipsy. I went with it. It was after the third dance with this stranger, lots of twirling and several traumatizing dips, that I started trying to get away. This man was making me nauseous. I would dance us over to my friend, who would then push me back into stranger's arms, and mumble something about getting back on the horse.
The night was winding down, and it wasn't until the next day, when the booze wore off, that I realized my feet had been killing me. I was trying to ditch this strange man by saying that I needed to leave. I started walking towards my friends car, and of course this persistent idiot followed me. Turns out he came in handy, I took my shoes off to make the hike back to the car, when the sidewalk turned into a long stretch of gravel. This man did the first decent thing all night, and swept me up to carry me over! At first I hated it, and thought that it was sexist and ridiculous ( clearly I didn't like this guy). Later I thought about it, and decided that this was chivalrous and charming. When we made it to the car, I realized I didn't have the keys. We stood there waiting for her, and the guy tried to kiss me. I explained in my drunken state, that I didn't know him, and he shouldn't be kissing me. He replied " I'm sort of famous, Google me!" I was astonished at this, and couldn't speak. He proceeded to Google himself on his phone. Turns out his fame is a bit limited, he is a weatherman from some small town in Illinois. I guess he thought that this was impressive, and so he tried kissing me again. This time he managed to wedge his tongue into my mouth. I should have bit down, but instead I recoiled and slapped him as hard as a 120 lb. drunk girl can slap. He continued to try to talk me into making out with him, until we heard my friend yelling for me down the street, and he walked away. This experience unleashed my new GOLDEN CONFIDENCE. I decided, that I was in fact attractive, and could take care of myself. From this night I would go on to have many wild experiences as a blonde. This is what you should take away from my experience....
Man rule # 1
Men should be positive that a woman wants to have your tongue in her mouth, before you put it there. Otherwise be prepared for her to bite that tongue, slap your face, or knee you in the penis!
Lady rule # 1
Woman, always be prepared to bite the tongue, slap the face, or knee the penis of the man who chooses to forcibly jam his tongue down your throat!
Please note, that I continue to work with my ex, and we get along relatively well, all things considered, I wish him well in his future, and I do not regret a single day.
****This is a photo of me (right) the stranger (Left) and the drunk girl who wanted to help (middle) Enjoy!
The first thing I decided to do was color my brown hair blonde! I had always wondered if I could pull of the golden locks, and now was the perfect time to try it out. It took a while to get used to, a girl has to have a lot of confidence to go from brown to blonde, and that is not something I had a lot of at the time!
This brings me to my first male encounter post traumatic breakup! A friend of mine was set to be a bridesmaid in an intimate mini vineyard wedding. She didn't have a date, and she knew I was borderline depressed. Being the good friend she is, she invited me to come along. After she mentioned the open bar, and the potential for meeting single men, I reluctantly agreed. I drove to the wedding with a male friend of ours who was also invited, and dateless. I was nervous, but looking hot. This friend of ours sat with me during the ceremony, leading all the attending single men to believe that I was his date. Too clear this all up, and ensure my good time, my bridesmaid friend mentioned to a couple of the men that I was completely single and ready to have a great time. At this point I had already had a few glasses of wine, and I was well on my way to having a swell time alone, when suddenly I got the urge to sing karaoke!
Now I am a freak and happen to enjoy karaoke very much, so when I found out that the DJ could do karaoke, I hopped at the chance. Keep in mind I had never met the bride or groom, and in fact I only knew two people there. When I walked over to the DJ, I was trying to pick out a song, and out of nowhere this man came up and wanted to sing as well. The DJ suggested a duet, and picked one out for us. I decided that in order to do this right, I needed to dedicate this special serenade to the happy couple, that I had never met. Don't ask me why, but I made a short speech to the couple, and soon enough I've Had the Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing was playing and I was singing with a man who had never heard the song before. Naturally I knew every word because I am a girl and have seen the movie a trillion times. So I sang most of the song alone, until some other drunk girl decided to come up and help us.
After that melodious tribute, the man singing with me grabbed my hand and twirled me to the dance floor. I was a little uneasy, and tipsy. I went with it. It was after the third dance with this stranger, lots of twirling and several traumatizing dips, that I started trying to get away. This man was making me nauseous. I would dance us over to my friend, who would then push me back into stranger's arms, and mumble something about getting back on the horse.
The night was winding down, and it wasn't until the next day, when the booze wore off, that I realized my feet had been killing me. I was trying to ditch this strange man by saying that I needed to leave. I started walking towards my friends car, and of course this persistent idiot followed me. Turns out he came in handy, I took my shoes off to make the hike back to the car, when the sidewalk turned into a long stretch of gravel. This man did the first decent thing all night, and swept me up to carry me over! At first I hated it, and thought that it was sexist and ridiculous ( clearly I didn't like this guy). Later I thought about it, and decided that this was chivalrous and charming. When we made it to the car, I realized I didn't have the keys. We stood there waiting for her, and the guy tried to kiss me. I explained in my drunken state, that I didn't know him, and he shouldn't be kissing me. He replied " I'm sort of famous, Google me!" I was astonished at this, and couldn't speak. He proceeded to Google himself on his phone. Turns out his fame is a bit limited, he is a weatherman from some small town in Illinois. I guess he thought that this was impressive, and so he tried kissing me again. This time he managed to wedge his tongue into my mouth. I should have bit down, but instead I recoiled and slapped him as hard as a 120 lb. drunk girl can slap. He continued to try to talk me into making out with him, until we heard my friend yelling for me down the street, and he walked away. This experience unleashed my new GOLDEN CONFIDENCE. I decided, that I was in fact attractive, and could take care of myself. From this night I would go on to have many wild experiences as a blonde. This is what you should take away from my experience....
Man rule # 1
Men should be positive that a woman wants to have your tongue in her mouth, before you put it there. Otherwise be prepared for her to bite that tongue, slap your face, or knee you in the penis!
Lady rule # 1
Please note, that I continue to work with my ex, and we get along relatively well, all things considered, I wish him well in his future, and I do not regret a single day.
****This is a photo of me (right) the stranger (Left) and the drunk girl who wanted to help (middle) Enjoy!
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