Once upon a time I saw from across the room, a man like no other man I had ever seen before. This man was adorably handsome. He appeared to be a home grown kind of man who has spent plenty of time on a farm. He smiled and my heart fell, and then.....he sang. It was too good to be true, a beautiful man who could also sing? I smiled at this man and wished that he would acknowledge my presence for over a year and a half. He frequented my favorite karaoke bar.
On one occasion my sister came to town to see a show I was in, and we went out to celebrate after. We went to a whole in the wall bar which is called Hawgs and Dogs. This is not a hot dog eatery, but a biker bar. This is the first biker bar I have ever been to, but it will not be the last. This bar contains a huge mixed bag of people, and they have Karaoke two nights a week. Anyway my sister and I stopped in on karoke night, and my not so imaginary boyfriend was there. In my drunken state I told my sister that he was my boyfriend in my mind, and we both giggled about how hot he was.
My sister decided that she should take it upon herself to set him up with me, although she clearly wanted to steal him all for herself. Well it took me a few minutes to realize that there was my sister standing across the room talking to my boyfriend! I immediately had liquid courage and ran over to them. I said "Im sorry about my sister", and shoved her out of the way. I then proceeded to say to him "You don't know this, but in my mind you have been my boyfriend for almost two years, and you didn't even know it." I was afraid of what my sister had been saying to the man, and apparently she had only been there long enough to say "Do you see that girl over there? (Pointing to me)" and he replied " Elaina? Yeah I know her." I lost it when my sister told me that my boyfriend actually knew who I was. The conversation he and I had ended with me excusing myself to pee.
Later down the road, my boyfriend started casually coming over and saying hello to me. He talked a lot to a friend of mine, who he told that he didn't like the fact that girls these days are only after sex. He gave her a lecture about how no one has values any more. This information was key to my future conversations with my boyfriend. We had been talking about our futures and past relationships, and I was sure to mention at some point that I thought sex was a special thing shared between two special people, and then one night he asked for my number, not to take me out or anything, it was for some stupid reason that I can't recall.
Then one night near the end of my stay in Columbia my boyfriend talked to me all night at karaoke, and he actually did it! He asked me over to his home to "cuddle". Nothing more he promised me, which I have heard from other men before, and turned out to be false. Normally that really pisses me off, but this time I was thrilled at the thought that this gentleman, by saying "cuddle", really meant Lets Get it ON!
So of course I coyly agreed to venture to his home, where we made out all night long. Things got pretty heated and I am sad to say that I denied him further access to my vagina. I don't know what I was thinking, I just said "We shouldn't". He immediatly agreed and said that he was glad I didn't want to....does this mean he could possibly be, no I can't even say it, because that would justify my thoughts that all the hot ones are gay. I will say that I think although I was a bit intoxicated, I think that I realized that his package that he was going to give me was a small one. Some say good things come in small packages and I tend to agree, most of the time. Its a good thing I didn't let things go any further. This way my idea of him being the perfect man, will not be broken.
I left the his home the next morning and two days later I graduated college and left Columbia. I just want to say, that I am displeased with myself for not having the balls I needed to pursue him sooner. He might have ACTUALLY became my boyfriend. Doubtful because no one wants to jump on THIS train, but anything is possible.
Lady Rule #14
Always go with your gut, and make a move for the guy who makes your heart go pitter pat.
Man Rule#14
If a woman seems interested, a little mystery will keep her on the line for a while, but don't wait TOO long.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Dancing With a Buzz
It is nearing the end of my stay in Columbia, MO. It has been quite an experience that I will not forget. On one of the last visits to my favorite karaoke spot Truman's Bar, I was well into my 4th or 5th drink, and I had already sung my heart out to two different songs. I must say that I had made quite an impression to a couple of people that night already. A tall scruffy man who was very near to 40 came over to my table wearing boots, which would have been so much better, had they had spurs attached. This man said that his name was Buzz and he would like the privilege of dancing me around the floor.
Anyone who has been to Truman's knows that there is NOT a "floor" for dancing. The place is normally packed on karaoke nights, and you have to wait around like a hawk to even get a table. So I accepted Buzz's offer to spin me around a little, because I was feeling pretty swell at the time, and it sounded like fun. Anyone who knows ME knows that I can't say no, and I will do anything for a good story.
I have to say that Buzz was quite the dancer! He was the first man who had danced with me who actually knew how to lead! I had the best dance ever with Buzz, he held me tight, whispered sweet nothings in my ear, and to top it all off, when he went in for a dip at the end, he picked me up so I was more or less sitting on his hip, and he dipped me low to the ground. It was so much fun and people clapped for us.
After the song ended Buzz returned me to my seat and said thank you. A perfect gentleman, ten years too old for me. I was sitting there continuing to partake in a few cocktails, when another man approached me. This man's name was not as interesting as Buzz, it was so boring I won't bother you with it. He came over, and said hello. I offered to shake his hand and we introduced ourselves. He sat near our table for a while, and didn't really say much of anything important. I could tell he was interested, but he was NOT aggressive enough for me. Sooner than later Buzz came back and asked me to dance another round. I could not resist, and said of course I would.
This happened a couple of more times. Buzz would spin me around, dip me, and return me to my table. The other man with the uninspiring name, just sat there and grew more and more annoyed that I kept dancing with Buzz. I had to eventually make my way to the ladies room, and on my way back I got a bit distracted talking to a man who I have wished for two whole years, would be my boyfriend. My not so imaginary, but fake boyfriend was talking to me and my shit show friend Tess came running up to me and interrupted. She said that Buzz and the other man were getting into a fight over me!
ME! I have never been the cause of a fight between two grown men. Toddlers yes of course, all the time, but men? It was thrilling. At this point I was completely wasted, and it was probably a good thing that Tess saved me from saying anything ridiculous to my boyfriend. She said that it was almost closing time and we were going to leave before things got worse. I didn't even get to say goodbye to either of the men. I would have loved to have a final bow with Buzz but fate would not have it that day.
Funny thing is that I DID actually see both men again. On my final night at Truman's for karaoke, Buzz was there again. We got to have a couple of final dances, and it was lovely. Then the weekend after was my graduation from college. My family of course wanted to go out to dinner, and that is where I ran into whats his bucket. He was my waiter at the restaurant! I think that he remembered me, because he kept giving me the sexy eyes, as I ate dinner. Very weird. These things only happen to me. I love my life!
Lady Rule #16
When asked to dance, by a strange man, always accept the first time. It's not going to kill you, and you may walk away with a great story to write about.
Man Rule #16
Introduce yourself to that lady you think is hot, and then make bold choices, getting into a fight over her, not what I am talking about.
Anyone who has been to Truman's knows that there is NOT a "floor" for dancing. The place is normally packed on karaoke nights, and you have to wait around like a hawk to even get a table. So I accepted Buzz's offer to spin me around a little, because I was feeling pretty swell at the time, and it sounded like fun. Anyone who knows ME knows that I can't say no, and I will do anything for a good story.
I have to say that Buzz was quite the dancer! He was the first man who had danced with me who actually knew how to lead! I had the best dance ever with Buzz, he held me tight, whispered sweet nothings in my ear, and to top it all off, when he went in for a dip at the end, he picked me up so I was more or less sitting on his hip, and he dipped me low to the ground. It was so much fun and people clapped for us.
After the song ended Buzz returned me to my seat and said thank you. A perfect gentleman, ten years too old for me. I was sitting there continuing to partake in a few cocktails, when another man approached me. This man's name was not as interesting as Buzz, it was so boring I won't bother you with it. He came over, and said hello. I offered to shake his hand and we introduced ourselves. He sat near our table for a while, and didn't really say much of anything important. I could tell he was interested, but he was NOT aggressive enough for me. Sooner than later Buzz came back and asked me to dance another round. I could not resist, and said of course I would.
This happened a couple of more times. Buzz would spin me around, dip me, and return me to my table. The other man with the uninspiring name, just sat there and grew more and more annoyed that I kept dancing with Buzz. I had to eventually make my way to the ladies room, and on my way back I got a bit distracted talking to a man who I have wished for two whole years, would be my boyfriend. My not so imaginary, but fake boyfriend was talking to me and my shit show friend Tess came running up to me and interrupted. She said that Buzz and the other man were getting into a fight over me!
ME! I have never been the cause of a fight between two grown men. Toddlers yes of course, all the time, but men? It was thrilling. At this point I was completely wasted, and it was probably a good thing that Tess saved me from saying anything ridiculous to my boyfriend. She said that it was almost closing time and we were going to leave before things got worse. I didn't even get to say goodbye to either of the men. I would have loved to have a final bow with Buzz but fate would not have it that day.
Funny thing is that I DID actually see both men again. On my final night at Truman's for karaoke, Buzz was there again. We got to have a couple of final dances, and it was lovely. Then the weekend after was my graduation from college. My family of course wanted to go out to dinner, and that is where I ran into whats his bucket. He was my waiter at the restaurant! I think that he remembered me, because he kept giving me the sexy eyes, as I ate dinner. Very weird. These things only happen to me. I love my life!
Lady Rule #16
When asked to dance, by a strange man, always accept the first time. It's not going to kill you, and you may walk away with a great story to write about.
Man Rule #16
Introduce yourself to that lady you think is hot, and then make bold choices, getting into a fight over her, not what I am talking about.
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