Once, Twice, Three times a lady, is exactly what happened that fateful weekend, I was entertained by The Repeat Offender.
I was just saying to my friends that since I was getting a little older, I needed to keep my sex number low, and in order to do THAT, I was going to need some men from my past, to cycle through once again. Three nights later Mr. Repeat Offender (Pilot Al E. Gator) gave me a ring. Not a diamond, a cellular ring. A ring I hadn't received in quite some time, he mentioned the fact that he was soon going to be in a city near me. Could the sex Gods have given me a better gift? I think not.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't interested in seeing the man. After all, it had been a couple years since our last encounter, and even though he had treated me poorly in the past, I had decided that I could have meaningless sex with him, (A much needed remedy to my current non existent sex life) all the while keeping my number the exact same! He was only going to be in town for the weekend anyway. Who could blame me, for being enticed at the idea?
It just so happened that I had most of the weekend off, that Mr. Repeat Offender was going to be around. Again, a big high five to the sex Gods! He arrived, and we met once again, it was several years later, and he looked exactly the same. It was as if nothing had changed, he was still a pilot, still cute, and still a smart ass.
We spent the day with his friends, day drinking on a cold wet, LA day. It didn't take long for me to let him and his friends in on the secret, that we WERE going to have sex at some point that day. I mean come on, why beat around the bush? That's the only reason he called me, and thats the only reason I agreed to seeing him again. I've said it before and I will say it again. I will forgive most people for most anything, and that is exactly what was going to happen that night.
I told him he had to, at the very least, buy me dinner, for me to be able to forgive all of his past transgressions, and if you will recall, there were several on that list. The only little snag in our plan was that he was staying in town with friends, on a blow up mattress, in a living room, with another man... We were day drinking too far away from my home, so whats a guy to do when he's been told that he is most certainly going to get laid, and he has no bed of his own? Well in such cases as this, said man rents a hotel room. That is what happened, he booked a room, at 5 pm, at the Hotel California, for that very night.
We continued day drinking, went to dinner and taxi'd it over to the hotel around midnight. It was a passionate night, and we didn't sleep much. The story might have ended here, but I feel compelled to tell you that Mr. Repeat Offender opened his trap of a mouth one more time to promise me something, that I am SURE he will never keep his word to.
After we had had some really GREAT sex, Mr. Pilot, Al E. Gator, said to me "You know at...35 yrs old once I am flying for Southwest, I think I will be ready." Ready for what I asked...."I'll throw the towel in, and marry you." Now lets just take a minute and catch our breathe. First of all...You NEVER talk to a girl about marriage, until you are good and ready to make it happen. Second of all what am I supposed to say to that? He expects me to be around and still single 8 years from now, when HE is 35 and ready to marry me? Excuse me but I am a completely amazing girl. The chances of my being single and willing to marry his stupid self, in 8 years...alright it might be a possibility, but come on!
I want to marry the man that couldn't live another day without me. I don't want to marry the man that needs to go through a few more girls to make sure that I am "THE ONE", or that he is "ready" to marry.
Please keep in mind, that when this man and I are together, everything just works. We don't stumble around for words, we are completely comfortable, and it is as if we understand each other. At least from my point of view it seems that way.
Why is it that men are so stupid? This is something that I am still, after several years of writing this blog, wondering about. Maybe I am not putting out there those "marry me now" signs, because frankly, I have a lot of shit to do before I'm ready, but I want to be best friends with that man, and know I can rely on that future man. How can I rely on pilot for anything, when all he has shown me is his cute ass running away?
He told me that he was at a point in his life where he was starting to turn over new leaves. Maple or Oak is still to be decided, but I was assured that whichever leaf was larger, that was the kind he was turning over. So far I can't say that I believe him. To an extent, I will say that it was a lovely compliment, him telling me I'm his backup for the long haul. On the other hand....
Gentleman Rule #26
We ladies know that marriage is like a jail sentence to most men, we know you don't even like to talk about it, but...If you find a girl that you think would be an awesome 2nd choice for marriage, because you haven't had the opportunity to meet and win over Mila Kunis (your 1st choice) yet, think long and hard about throwing the word marriage around, in any context. Also if you are going to propose to her as a backup plan, maybe make her feel a little special. Try telling her how hot, cool, and smart she is, it might entice her to the idea a little more. Maybe.
Lady Rule #26
Know that you are awesome at all times. Know that you do not have to settle as a backup plan for some man, unless that HE, is Brad Pitt, or someone equally handsome and very generous with his penis. Also if some man from your past comes along and you feel so inclined to sleep with him, a couple of times for your own enjoyment, DO IT!!! In my case it was totally worth it, and it turned out to be so much better than I had remembered!
