Pretzel Man

This is a story from a long time ago, that I had forgotten about until recently. I actually don't know why it has taken me this long to write it. I met a man at TGI Fridays, where I worked at the time. I had just had the brilliant idea that I was going to start mass dating in order to write the fascinating blog you are currently reading.

I was at work talking about the pledge I was taking, to accept any and all date offers, in order to get some good stories. There was a pretty boy sitting at my bar listening contently with his older co-worker. He laughed off my plan, and said "Well why don't you just go out with me, then you will never have to date again!" I laughed at his confidence. I had been with a borderline cocky guy before, and I had to admit that I liked it. His older friend put in a good word for him, and I was ready to see what this guy had to offer.

We were having lovely conversation which started with him telling me what he did, he sold Snyder's Pretzels to companies, and encouraged the companies to add extra Snyder's displays in their stores. This didn't get me going or anything, but I thought, it's the beginning to what COULD be a good story. So he asked me out, and shockingly I accepted.

His date was pretty unoriginal. He took me to....Dinner and a movie! I know, gag. Where is your creativity guys? A date doesn't have to cost anything but please be creative! Our date was pretty boring and normal, until he was taking me back to my car, which was located at his aunt's house, where he was currently living. Don't get me started on that one.  We were lingering outside the cars and he asked me to come in. He said he wasn't making a move, he just wanted to show me something. For the fact that it might be a good turn of events for my story I agreed. He took me inside, and poured me a glass of wine, then took me to a patio. There was a small space outside that was walled on all sides about 9 feet high, without a ceiling. It was actually gorgeous out there. It was a colder night, the weather was changing from mid-fall to winter. We sat out under the stars with our wine for a little while, long enough for me to get cold. He went inside, and re-emerged with a blanket and more wine. I must say that he was scoring some major points. We could have just done THAT all night, and skipped the movie, or dinner. Anyway I was not a slut at that point in time, so I politely excused myself to retire home for the evening, where I am sure I ate leftovers in bed, while watching a romantic comedy.

This pretzel man let me go three days without a phone call or text message. Ass. I told him I was "busy" when he finally asked me out, but suggested some other day. We met at a bar and had a drink. It was harmless, and I could feel the attraction growing, but I still was not comfortable with him yet. Something about him said "I'm a total ladies man, and you should be dying to sleep with me right now." Well I wasn't. Pretzel man kept visiting me with his older co-worker friend, at Fridays, while I worked.

Turns out his older co-worker friend was from out of town, and was staying in a hotel located in the Friday's parking lot. I guess Snyder's pretzels reserved this room for extended periods of time, because they often had employees from out of town needing a place to stay. One night after Pretzel man took me out for drinks with his friends, he asked me if I felt like being bad. Now when some slightly attractive cocky man asks this question of you, you should probably think twice about your answer. Being slightly intoxicated is the excuse I will use for the response I made that night. "Fuck yeah" I said! Next thing I knew we were in his truck, and we were sitting in the parking lot of the hotel and TGI Fridays. He said his coworker was out of town for the night, and the hotel room was available. I was instantly scared. He said he made friends with the guy at the front desk, and that he could get us into the room.

This is the situation that made me create the infamous quiz. I knew that I didn't really WANT to have sex with this guy. Remember when I said that he was sort of a cocky ladies man? Anyway in my intoxicated state I decided then and there that if he could answer 3 out of 5 questions about me, of my choosing, then I would have sex with him. To my surprise he WAS able to answer 3 out of 5 of the questions, so he couldn't be THAT bad right? I think he thought that the quiz was some sort of foreplay too. Anyway I gave in, I admit I am slightly ashamed, but just slightly, after all, I'm a lady of my word. I will also admit that he made me try positions that night that I was afraid of, which makes his nickname, Pretzel Man, quite appropriate. I was not comfortable with his wild side in the sack, on top of his cocky, asshole persona, so he didn't last much longer than that. Pretzel man made my "number" go from 4 to 5. I think it was high time that at age 23, my number started increasing. 23 was a good year for increased numbers.

I actually ran into him one final time. Right before I left Columbia, I ran into him at my favorite karaoke bar, he was wasted and dedicated a song to me. How sweet. Too bad he was a terrible singer.

Lady Rule #8

Unlike me, you should stick to your gut about your impressions of a guy. Wait a minute. Do whatever you want! I don't regret my time with Pretzel man, it opened my eyes to my options that are out there!

Gentleman Rule #8

Be creative for a first date! First impressions are everything, and if you put some thought into making a girl's first date a memorable one, chances are, you are the kind of guy she will give into, even though it might be a couple dates later.