Golden Confidence

Once upon a time, I was in a happy committed relationship, with a man who moved to Columbia to be with me. I had met this jackass in my hometown, where we both worked together. When I moved to Columbia for school several years ago, it didn't take long before he realized that he couldn't live without me. He moved here, and we both transferred to another restaurant, and continued working together. We were happy for what was one of the best year's of my life, and then one day out of nowhere, with no explanation, he dumped me. I was miserable with nowhere to go. A couple of months later Jackass began dating another girl we worked with! The craziest part is that this new girl looked a hell of a lot like me. What's a girl to do when she gets dumped by the love of her young life, and has been replaced by a look alike?


The first thing I decided to do was color my brown hair blonde! I had always wondered if I could pull of the golden locks, and now was the perfect time to try it out. It took a while to get used to, a girl has to have a lot of confidence to go from brown to blonde, and that is not something I had a lot of at the time!


This brings me to my first male encounter post traumatic breakup! A friend of mine was set to be a bridesmaid in an intimate mini vineyard wedding. She didn't have a date, and she knew I was borderline depressed. Being the good friend she is, she invited me to come along. After she mentioned the open bar, and the potential for meeting single men, I reluctantly agreed. I drove to the wedding with a male friend of ours who was also invited, and dateless. I was nervous, but looking hot. This friend of ours sat with me during the ceremony, leading all the attending single men to believe that I was his date. Too clear this all up, and ensure my good time, my bridesmaid friend mentioned to a couple of the men that I was completely single and ready to have a great time. At this point I had already had a few glasses of wine, and I was well on my way to having a swell time alone, when suddenly I got the urge to sing karaoke!


Now I am a freak and happen to enjoy karaoke very much, so when I found out that the DJ could do karaoke, I hopped at the chance. Keep in mind I had never met the bride or groom, and in fact I only knew two people there. When I walked over to the DJ, I was trying to pick out a song, and out of nowhere this man came up and wanted to sing as well. The DJ suggested a duet, and picked one out for us. I decided that in order to do this right, I needed to dedicate this special serenade to the happy couple, that I had never met. Don't ask me why, but I made a short speech to the couple, and soon enough I've Had the Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing was playing and I was singing with a man who had never heard the song before. Naturally I knew every word because I am a girl and have seen the movie a trillion times. So I sang most of the song alone, until some other drunk girl decided to come up and help us.


After that melodious tribute, the man singing with me grabbed my hand and twirled me to the dance floor. I was a little uneasy, and tipsy. I went with it. It was after the third dance with this stranger, lots of twirling and several traumatizing dips, that I started trying to get away. This man was making me nauseous. I would dance us over to my friend, who would then push me back into stranger's arms, and mumble something about getting back on the horse.


The night was winding down, and it wasn't until the next day, when the booze wore off, that I realized my feet had been killing me. I was trying to ditch this strange man by saying that I needed to leave. I started walking towards my friends car, and of course this persistent idiot followed me. Turns out he came in handy, I took my shoes off to make the hike back to the car, when the sidewalk turned into a long stretch of gravel. This man did the first decent thing all night, and swept me up to carry me over! At first I hated it, and thought that it was sexist and ridiculous ( clearly I didn't like this guy). Later I thought about it, and decided that this was chivalrous and charming. When we made it to the car, I realized I didn't have the keys. We stood there waiting for her, and the guy tried to kiss me. I explained in my drunken state, that I didn't know him, and he shouldn't be kissing me. He replied " I'm sort of famous, Google me!" I was astonished at this, and couldn't speak. He proceeded to Google himself on his phone. Turns out his fame is a bit limited, he is a weatherman from some small town in Illinois. I guess he thought that this was impressive, and so he tried kissing me again. This time he managed to wedge his tongue into my mouth. I should have bit down, but instead I recoiled and slapped him as hard as a 120 lb. drunk girl can slap. He continued to try to talk me into making out with him, until we heard my friend yelling for me down the street, and he walked away. This experience unleashed my new GOLDEN CONFIDENCE. I decided, that I was in fact attractive, and could take care of myself. From this night I would go on to have many wild experiences as a blonde. This is what you should take away from my experience....


Man rule # 1
Men should be positive that a woman wants to have your tongue in her mouth, before you put it there. Otherwise be prepared for her to bite that tongue, slap your face, or knee you in the penis!


Lady rule # 1

Woman, always be prepared to bite the tongue, slap the face, or knee the penis of the man who chooses to forcibly  jam his tongue down your throat!   


Please note, that I continue to work with my ex, and we get along relatively well, all things considered, I wish him well in his future, and I do not regret a single day.


****This is a photo of me (right) the stranger (Left) and the drunk girl who wanted to help (middle) Enjoy!